oh my god you pervert!

…As if I’m going to share my favourite ever corn, all willy nilly, just like that.

I don’t blame you though, I would’ve clicked on it too, in all honesty. I <3 porn. But do you know what I also love? Being paid for my insane creativity. I mean, look at you, here on an actual website. Reading an actual paragraph of actual bonus writing. I’m practically single-handedly restoring your blasted attention span for FREE. You’re welcome…

If you’d like to help enable me continue doing what I love, please consider becoming a paid subscriber to my substack or buying one of my freshly-restocked caps.

Thanks, fellow perv xx